Wedding Off, Sagacious Spam

February 19, 2005

General, Humor, Language, Wisdom

Comments Off on Wedding Off, Sagacious Spam

What chagrin when my browser couldn’t find the Steve and Kathie Wedding Website this evening! Checked the webhost server and the steveandkathie subdomain was simply gone. I could tell you about the live chat support dialogue and the help desk tickets, but the short of it is I added it back and it seems okay now. No explanation for the disappearance. Schitt hat pins, aye wreckin’.

Today’s spam attack included one which, incredibly, I was tempted to forward to family and friends! Instead, I’m posting it here, except for the two links for viagra and cialis. As you know, one of the techniques spammers use to get past spam filters is to add some “legit” sentences. This one had a collection almost good enough to make up for the spam; to-wit:

When ideas fail, words come in very handy. When you’re in love you never really know whether your elation comes from the qualities of the one you love, or if it attributes them to her; whether the light which surrounds her like a halo comes from you, from her, or from the meeting of your sparks. Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted. Everything in excess! To enjoy the flavor of life, take big bites. Moderation is for monks. If everything seems under control, you’re just not going fast enough. I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work. A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship. There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life. The great thing about television is that if something important happens anywhere in the world, day or night, you can always change the channel. Friends are as companions on a journey, who ought to aid each other to persevere in the road to a happier life. If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose. Love does not begin and end the way we seem to think it does. Love is a battle, love is a war; love is a growing up. No one can earn a million dollars honestly. The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them. Compassion is the antitoxin of the soul: where there is compassion even the most poisonous impulses remain relatively harmless. I don’t know why we are here, but I’m pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves. I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right. Love is the beauty of the soul. Can miles truly separate you from friends… If you want to be with someone you love, aren’t you already there? Solitude, if rightly used, becomes not only a privilege but a necessity. Only a superficial soul fears to fraternize with itself. Your living is determined not so much by what life brings to you as by the attitude you bring to life; not so much by what happens to you as by the way your mind looks at what happens. If you can’t get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you’d best teach it to dance. A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines. When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. I’d rather have a bottle in front of me, than a frontal lobotomy. People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid. Don’t stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed. A positive attitude will not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort. Of cheerfulness, or a good temper – the more it is spent, the more of it remains. The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good. True friendship comes when the silence between two people is comfortable. If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe. What lies behind us and what lies before us, are only small matters compared to what lies within us. First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win. Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me. Why is it drug addicts and computer afficionados are both called users? Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die. Black holes are where God divided by zero. Solitude, if rightly used, becomes not only a privilege but a necessity. Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away. A woman drove me to drink and I didn’t even have the decency to thank her. The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true. Love is always bestowed as a gift – freely, willingly and without expectation. We don’t love to be loved; we love to love. I would like to believe when I die that I have given myself away like a tree that sows seed every spring and never counts the loss, because it is not loss, it is adding to future life. It is the tree’s way of being. Strongly rooted perhaps, but spilling out its treasure on the wind. Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me. Love is life. And if you miss love, you miss life. Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake. No dictator, no invader, can hold an imprisoned population by force of arms forever. There is no greater power in the universe than the need for freedom. Against that power, governments and tyrants and armies cannot stand. From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it. If you find a path with no obstacles, it probably doesn’t lead anywhere. Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems. Treat people as if they were what they ought to be, and you help them to become what they are capable of being. It’s kind of fun to do the impossible. Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so. A positive attitude will not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort. Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they’re yours. Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin. I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter. Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake. The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth. Thank you for sending me a copy of your book – I’ll waste no time reading it. Autumn is the time when seasons merge because of bare necessity. I discovered I always have choices and sometimes it’s only a choice of attitude. You can’t wait for inspiration. You have to go after it with a club. I’ve had a wonderful time, but this wasn’t it. There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult. Fill what’s empty, empty what’s full, and scratch where it itches. A happy person is not a person in a certain set of circumstances, but rather a person with a certain set of attitudes. Blessed is the man who, having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact. All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher. A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems. Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It’s the transition that’s troublesome. Time is never wasted when you’re wasted all the time. I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.

Many were familiar, some unfamiliar. Remarkably, no spelling corrections, though I deleted several that were repeated.


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